Solutions have become problems
Food; alcohol; money; drugs; gambling; pornography. You use them out of habit or compulsion but, less and less, out of enjoyment.
All of these are coping strategies. Ways of dealing with the challenges that life throws at us. And they all work – or we wouldn’t use them. The question is not whether they work, it’s whether they are sustainable and if they are consistent with your values? Can you keep on coping this way? What happens if you’re still doing this in a year’s time? Could you develop different coping strategies that work in the long-term, that are good for you?
Emotional outbursts
You can suddenly feel quite angry. Or anxious. Or sad. It seems to come from nowhere but you get swept along by it. It’s leaving you confused and tired. You sometimes feel guilty about the impact it has on others. And that guilt starts the whole cycle off again.
One of the key skills to develop in therapy is awareness. What has been on my mind lately? How do I talk to myself, what tone of voice do I use? What are the early warning signs that I am getting angry or fearful or sad?
Emotional flatness
You ‘feel’ very little. Your world has gone from colour to black and white. You get less enjoyment from life, your motivation is low and everything seems to take a lot of energy. You’re going out less, eating has become a function not a pleasure and you don’t engage with hobbies or interests like you used to. It seems more difficult to be kind to yourself.
Life will always have ups and downs to it. We are people, not machines. But sometimes those ‘lows’ start to go deeper and last longer. That may be a response to a loss such as redundancy, bereavement or the end of a relationship. Or it may seem to come from nowhere. The best way forward is often to understand what has happened and take small steps to recovery. Being kind to yourself is often a good start.
Disturbed sleep
Your mind is racing when you get to bed. You lie awake, getting more and more irritated with yourself for not sleeping. You sometimes wake disoriented by distressing dreams (even if you can’t remember the content). You wake before the alarm even if you’re still tired.
We can go without food and water longer than we can go without sleep. There are many things that get in the way of sleep but it’s a fundamental human need. Learning about sleep hygiene is the first step but putting it into practice requires . . . .practice.
Illness
You notice you are more likely to get any bugs that are going round and take longer to recover. You’re paying more attention to aches and pains. You often feel tired but sleep does not refresh you. Which adds to your stress.
Our immune system and stress response are inextricably linked (both are mediated by cortisol). So being frequently stressed or angry can mean your immune system will not work so well. So you feel less able to deal with life’s challenges. Which starts a bit of a vicious cycle.